Separation or Divorce is Difficult on Mental Health

Any mental health professional, as well as anyone who has ever gone through the process of getting ready for a divorce, will tell you that this experience can be one of the most challenging life events. It can cause a roller coaster of feelings, which can be greatly magnified when children are involved. This life event may lead to increased risk for depression and anxiety, among other emotional challenges, no matter who initiated the divorce, even in situations where the decision is mutual. Even contemplating separation or divorce can lead to a perfect storm of emotions, including fear, sadness, anger, hurt, and despair, among others, as it represents both a personal and often a financial crisis.

Getting ready for a divorce is challenging, but you can protect your mental well-being. Acknowledge your emotions, build a support system, and take proactive steps to care for yourself. These actions will help you navigate this life change with clarity and resilience.

Allow Yourself Your Feelings

Getting ready for a divorce can feel like the death of hopes and dreams-quite powerful. You need time to allow yourself to grieve and to process the intensity of emotions. Be wary of numbing the discomfort. If you do not give yourself the time and space to process your feelings or if there is an effort to mask the feelings then this could lead to unhealthy activities such as overuse of alcohol, drugs, food, electronic devices, or other addictive behaviors. In the short and long run, this will be harmful to your health, mental and physical.

Begin to Up the Ante or Cultivate Healthy Habits

If you already practice healthy habits, divorce is the time to strengthen them. If not, it’s the perfect time to start. Feeling better physically can surely lead to feeling better emotionally. Make sure to prioritize eating healthy foods; participate in physical activities; and get sufficient rest and sleep. Keep current on all your medical appointments.

Healthy habits should also be included as part of self-care, focusing on stress reduction. Helpful for stress reduction are exercise, deep breathing exercises, meditation, and mindfulness techniques. If you don’t have the time or resources to join a gym, there are many useful videos or apps available on your phone or other devices for exercise or guided meditations, making it easy to practice stress reduction from home.

Seek Support Systems

Isolation while preparing for a divorce or separation can magnify negative emotions. It is crucial to stay connected with supportive friends and family who are encouraging and uplifting. Try to minimize reliance on those in your inner circle who for whatever reason are not helpful emotionally at this time. Seek out spiritual guidance as well if that is a source of comfort to you. Also, support groups either in person or virtual can be extremely helpful to avoid feelings of isolation and the belief that you are the only one going through this experience.

Seek out an individual therapist for additional support during this most challenging period of your life. A professional can offer advice on how to have the best communication with your soon to be ex-partner that will hopefully be open and respectful, especially if children are involved. If you are involved in a high conflict relationship then the therapist can help you with establishing boundaries. Having a trained professional help you process your emotions; guide you through the turmoil; and help you envision your new goals and dreams can be invaluable.

Obtain Legal Advice and Guidance

Finding the least stressful way to separate or divorce is essential for your mental health. Seeking legal advice helps you understand all available options, including mediation and collaborative divorce. These processes avoid court, making them more cost-effective, time-efficient, and confidential. Exploring them can give you greater control over your future.

Conclusion: Navigating the Process & Getting Ready for a Divorce Emotionally

At the New York Divorce Mediation Group, we understand how important it is to get ready for a divorce emotionally while also navigating the legal process. Our trained mediators, who are experienced attorneys—one of whom is also a Licensed Clinical Social Worker—are here to support you through every step. If you’re looking for guidance on mediation or collaborative divorce, contact us at 516-749-5017. We will be happy to answer any questions or concerns you may have.

Going through a separation or divorce can be one of the most challenging transitions in life. It’s not just the end of a relationship—it often comes with overwhelming emotions, financial uncertainty, and questions about parenting or the future. Feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, and even loneliness can easily collide. For many, this period may also involve moving homes, adjusting to co-parenting, or facing the reality of starting over.

The good news? Focusing on self care during divorce can make the process more manageable. By prioritizing your emotional and physical well-being, you’ll find healthier ways to cope with separation, reduce stress, and regain resilience for the next chapter of your life.

Why Self Care Matters During Separation or Divorce

Divorce or separation doesn’t just impact your legal or financial life—it deeply affects your mental health. Studies show that people going through divorce are at higher risk for stress-related conditions, depression, and anxiety. Even those with strong coping skills may feel overwhelmed by the changes.

By intentionally practicing self care, you give yourself space to heal, reduce symptoms of stress and anxiety, and create stability during uncertain times.

Practical Self Care Strategies When Coping With Separation

1. Prioritize Physical Health Through Exercise

Exercise is a proven way to relieve stress, manage anxiety, and release endorphins. You don’t have to hit the gym every day—find what feels natural. For some, that might mean jogging, yoga, or strength training. For others, it could be a daily walk with a pet or a supportive friend.

The key is consistency. Physical activity not only improves your health but also gives your mind a break from constant worry.

2. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Divorce often triggers racing thoughts and emotional overload. Mindfulness and meditation can help calm your mind and bring clarity. Guided meditation apps, classes, or even simple breathing exercises are powerful tools.

Learning how to cope with divorce anxiety through meditation can help you stay grounded and present—even when emotions feel overwhelming.

3. Get Enough Rest and Quality Sleep

Stressful life changes often disrupt sleep, but rest is essential for healing. Try to create a bedtime routine that avoids triggers like divorce-related research, work emails, or negative news before sleep. If you share custody, use quiet evenings when your children are with the other parent to catch up on restorative rest.

Good sleep strengthens emotional resilience and improves decision-making during this transition.

4. Maintain a Healthy Diet

It’s common to either lose your appetite or turn to unhealthy comfort foods during divorce. Unfortunately, alcohol, sugar, or junk food can make anxiety and depression worse.

Instead, focus on balanced meals with lean proteins, vegetables, and whole grains. Eating well supports both your physical health and your emotional stability—helping you cope with separation and divorce more effectively.

5. Change Your Environment When Needed

Sometimes, a change of scenery helps shift perspective. Whether it’s a short day trip, a weekend away with your kids, or visiting friends and family, stepping out of a stressful environment can be refreshing. Even small breaks can help you reset and remind you that positive change is possible.

6. Build a Strong Support System

Divorce can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Talking with a therapist, counselor, or divorce mediation coach can help you process emotions in a healthy way. Support groups are also valuable—they connect you with others who truly understand your experience.

Leaning on supportive family and friends is important, but professional guidance can provide clarity and help you discover strengths you may not realize you have.

7. Be Kind to Yourself

Perhaps the most important aspect of self care is self-compassion. You may not feel like your best self right now, and that’s okay. Remind yourself that this is only one chapter in your life.

Difficult as it may be, divorce can lead to growth, healing, and eventually peace. By practicing patience and care, you’ll build resilience and move toward a healthier, happier future.

Coping With Divorce Anxiety and Loneliness

Emotional challenges like anxiety, grief, and loneliness are common during separation. Learning how to deal with divorce emotionally often requires patience and the right tools. Strategies like journaling, therapy, exercise, and community support can help you:

• Cope with separation anxiety in daily life
• Overcome divorce-related depression
• Deal with feelings of loneliness after divorce
• Regain confidence and emotional strength

These steps won’t erase the pain overnight, but they can help you steadily move forward.

Final Thoughts

Divorce and separation are undeniably hard, but with the right self care strategies, you can protect your well-being and move toward a brighter future. By exercising, meditating, eating well, resting, and seeking support, you’re not just surviving—you’re learning how to thrive again.

Remember: coping with separation and divorce is a process. With compassion, patience, and the right habits, you’ll eventually find peace and open the door to a new beginning. And if you’re in New York, you don’t have to go through this alone—New York Divorce Mediation Group is here to support families with professional divorce mediation services across Suffolk County and Nassau County, helping you find fair, peaceful, and constructive solutions during this transition.

The American Dream! You’ve married, raised a family, bought a house, put the kids through college. A few years later your children have grown, moved out, started careers and families of their own. Now the “empty nest” feeling of just you and your spouse alone in the home sets in.

Unfortunately, many older couples in this position are finding they no longer have the shared interests and goals they had  earlier in life. This new awareness has created what many are calling the “gray divorce epidemic.”

According to a recent Pew Research study, while the American divorce rate has actually declined for every other age demographic, the divorce rate among U.S. adults ages 50 and older has roughly doubled since the 1990’s.

Contemplating a legal separation or uncontested divorce when you are an older couple brings with it specific financial  issues to consider, discuss and negotiate. Ensuring a livable retirement income and fair access to the legally mandated Social Security funds for both marriage partners is essential. While divorcing at an older age can upend previous retirement plans and finances a carefully executed separation or divorce through mediation  can make life livable for both parties.

Generally, couples who are aged 55 and older in long term marriages should think about:

1) Social Security-10 year rule: if you are married longer than 10 years, and divorce, you can collect ½ half of your ex-spouse’s Social Security benefits  if it is higher than your Social Security benefit. This entitlement will not reduce your ex-spouse’s benefits

2)Health Insurance:  consider a separation agreement until the spouse who needs health insurance is 65 and eligible for Medicare.  You need to make sure that the health insurance you have will cover a spouse under a separation agreement.  Please note that some small companies, (under 20 employees) aren’t required to provide COBRA.

3) Pensions: If a spouse is eligible to collect a  pension or is already retired and collecting a pension, the other spouse is entitled to a share of the pension, typically 50%, that has been earned during the marriage.  The  pension is divided by an instrument called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order that requires the pension plan to give a certain share of the pension to the ex-spouse.  To be fair to all parties involved, it is important to  make sure that the non-monied spouse has a stream of income.

4) Spousal support (Maintenance): depending on the recipient spouse’s ability to work and to be self-supporting, courts may award maintenance up until  age 67 when  they are  able to collect full Social Security benefits.

If you are in a long-term marriage and thinking about divorce it would be wise to consult with a professional trained and knowledgeable in these matters. At the New York Divorce Mediation Group, where we serve couples throughout Nassau, Suffolk, Queens, and Long Island, we are experienced in helping couples  in long term marriages work through the challenges of a “gray divorce”.  We can help you too.

(Read more at https://www.kiplinger.com/article/retirement/T065-C032-S014-the-true-cost-of-gray-divorce.html#poTQIcuHkWdGQlpV.99

Talk about divorce and many people have predetermined ideas of what the process is and what to expect. You know there will be lawyers involved for each side, court appearances, preparing legal papers, the costs of two attorneys and going to court, and a lot of time and money spent on the process. Divorce court by its nature is confrontational.

Talk about divorce mediation and the expectations may not be as clear. We are frequently asked about what to expect during the mediation process as you and your spouse come to terms with dissolving your marriage. Today we will help those considering divorce mediation better understand what happens in divorce mediation and what to expect.

First, divorce mediation is a non-adversarial process. You and your spouse will discuss and negotiate how to fairly divide your marital assets and debts, financial and parenting issues regarding the children, if any, and the amount and duration of spousal support if appropriate in your circumstances.

This is accomplished with the guidance of a neutral mediator. The divorce mediator may or may not be a lawyer (we at New York Divorce Mediation Group are in fact licensed NYS attorneys) keeping your discussions on point, encouraging the spouses to express their feelings and interests openly, and working through to a mutually agreeable compromise that is fair and equitable to all parties involved, including children of the marriage. For more information, read our post on How Divorce Mediation Works to learn about the mediation process in 5 stages.

At New York  Divorce Mediation Group, we encourage our clients to state their needs, express their concerns and to be honest even when addressing those difficult questions.  Mediation sessions are confidential and are conducted in a safe environment. If you are considering divorce why not speak with one of our Long Island divorce mediators today and explore the benefits of divorce mediation.

You’re in the process of a major life transition, separation or divorce, and now possibly faced with the reality of diminished income, especially if only one spouse has been working during the marriage. Yet another life transition is at hand… the need to re-enter the workforce after a prolonged absence.

Most often it is the woman as stay-at-home moms that have to figure out how to overcome this challenge.

 “What do I do to get a job after not having worked for a long time?”

In some cases a career makeover may be appropriate; in others, you may be able to get back into the same field. Each individual’s circumstances will be different but here are some guidelines to follow:

• Set reasonable goals for self-sufficiency and the time it will take to achieve it
• Determine what your first move is; plan your next move
• Realize that this is another life transition and a professional transition phase as well
• Focus on your strengths and skillset and not necessarily your prior experience. Your skillset may be appropriate for several career choices.
• Consider meeting with a career coach to help you figure out your strengths and interests.
• Redo or write your resume; in addition to a career coach, there are many websites offering suggestions on how to do this. Your resume will be a work in progress, so editing and revising is to be expected
• Build your confidence in yourself by practicing and role-playing job interviews with friends and family. Anticipate the questions you’ll be asked during an interview and prepare answers in advance so you don’t have to make it up on the spot
• Decide upon which jobs or career direction you really would like to have. This may be an ideal opportunity to attempt what it is you WANT to do rather than what you HAVE to do
• Manage your personal expectations, you may have to start at a lower level then when you left the field but with your life skills may work your way back up more quickly
• Read the HELP WANTED ads in the newspapers; search the Internet job boards, network in person and on social media to get a sense of the current job availabilities. Tell everyone tactfully that you are in the market and searching for a job; never ask them directly for a job, rather ask if they may know of any openings.
• Be able to describe in five sentences what your ideal job is and why you are qualified for this position ( often called an “elevator speech”,  this should be able to be spoken in the short time it takes to ride the elevator from the lobby to your floor)
• Learn from each job hunting experience and apply that new knowledge to your next meeting
• Don’t give up!

At NY Divorce Mediation Group we can help you find your way through this workforce situation as we help you through the divorce mediation process, too.

Those couples considering ending their marriage have a new choice in how they actually dissolve the marriage. It’s called collaborative divorce.

As the name implies, collaborative divorce is all about a team approach to resolving family issues in an amicable manner. Collaborative divorce is a procedure in which the two parties agree that they will not go to court, or threaten to do so. Each spouse hires an attorney who will negotiate the terms of their divorce or separation on their behalf, but the attorneys first agree that they will not represent the spouse in court in the event settlement negotiations are unsuccessful. Agreeing to withdraw if the matter can’t be settled is the key element in collaborative divorce. It provides an incentive to settle and discourages divorce lawyers from initiating expensive and lengthy pre-trial tactics. The process is what the name suggests; it’s collaborative not adversarial.

How do you know if collaborative divorce is right for you and your spouse? If you both are respectful towards each other, commit to full disclosure of your assets and debts, and actively participate in a creative dialogue to reach a negotiated settlement then collaborative divorce may be good for you.

We would be pleased to discuss this with you during a free confidential initial consultation. Call us today to schedule your appointment at 516 749 5017.

When married couples have decided to separate or divorce, we are often asked about the financial benefits of divorce mediation over a traditional divorce. One of the most frequent topics of discussion – on both the husband’s AND the wife’s side – is the cost differences between the two options. After all the family financial situation will be changing, both parties want to preserve their financial resources and limit expenses as much as possible.

When we talk about the costs involved in mediation vs. divorce and how much less expensive those fees are when compared to a typical divorce using two lawyers and incurring the other fees associated with litigation, many inclined towards mediation see the savings as a motivating factor to choose the less costly path. While there is no “one size fits all” in these types of proceedings especially when talking about the divorce court route, here are a few guidelines for your consideration:

• In New York, and especially on Long Island, a typical divorce will include the costs of hiring two attorneys, pre-trial motions, expert fees and the costs of a trial.  Even if the case settles prior to trial, and most do, the costs can range from $20,000 to $75,000 or more.
• Divorce mediation is a fraction of this cost because the spouses are working directly with the mediator in anywhere between 2-6 hourly sessions plus the costs of writing the agreement and preparing and filing the divorce papers.
• Divorce mediation is not only less expensive but it is also a speedier process, and if as many say “time is money”, then being able to amicably legally divorce at far less cost is a winning situation financially and emotionally.

Again these are guidelines only and are not to be considered the actual rates or fees you will experience if you choose either the divorce court route or divorce mediation. We will be happy to discuss your marriage situation, either with or without your spouse present, and disclose actual costs of our Long Island divorce mediation services during our initial free consultation.

When you and your spouse are separating, or about to divorce, how you communicate and what you actually say about this situation to your children will have a direct impact on how they perceive their future family relationships. As parents you want to protect your children and build their sense of security while not disrupting their daily routines during this stressful transition.

Chances are your children may already be aware of uncomfortable or tense family interactions between their parents. Depending upon their ages your children may even express their thoughts. So to ensure as little stress as possible on your children during this time, we recommend telling them about your intention to separate or divorce only after you have a clear picture where you both will live, who the children will live with primarily and what the parenting schedule will be.  Having a plan in place before you speak with the children about divorce or separation will give them a sense of continuity during this time of transition.

Here are a few guidelines to help make your conversations with your children as painless as possible.

• Both parents and all children should be present at the time of breaking the news
• The parents should establish a consistent and coherent parental age-appropriate narrative explaining in simple terms the reason for the break-up.  There is no need to tell “the whole truth”; do not include the personal details or assign blame
• Be assuring, empathetic to your children, trying to see and  comprehend the impact of this news from their perspective
• Surprisingly this is a good learning opportunity to talk with  young children about relationships, family transitions, joys of unions and  sorrows of parting
• Always maintain parental dignity
• Acknowledge your children’s emotions, minimizing children’s stress, helping them work through this transition
• Be open to continual discussions on this topics with kids, speaking from a unified perspective about the restructuring of the family life.