The American Dream! You’ve married, raised a family, bought a house, put the kids through college. A few years later your children have grown, moved out, started careers and families of their own. Now the “empty nest” feeling of just you and your spouse alone in the home sets in.

Unfortunately, many older couples in this position are finding they no longer have the shared interests and goals they had  earlier in life. This new awareness has created what many are calling the “gray divorce epidemic.”

According to a recent Pew Research study, while the American divorce rate has actually declined for every other age demographic, the divorce rate among U.S. adults ages 50 and older has roughly doubled since the 1990’s.

Contemplating a legal separation or uncontested divorce when you are an older couple brings with it specific financial  issues to consider, discuss and negotiate. Ensuring a livable retirement income and fair access to the legally mandated Social Security funds for both marriage partners is essential. While divorcing at an older age can upend previous retirement plans and finances a carefully executed separation or divorce through mediation  can make life livable for both parties.

Generally, couples who are aged 55 and older in long term marriages should think about:

1) Social Security-10 year rule: if you are married longer than 10 years, and divorce, you can collect ½ half of your ex-spouse’s Social Security benefits  if it is higher than your Social Security benefit. This entitlement will not reduce your ex-spouse’s benefits

2)Health Insurance:  consider a separation agreement until the spouse who needs health insurance is 65 and eligible for Medicare.  You need to make sure that the health insurance you have will cover a spouse under a separation agreement.  Please note that some small companies, (under 20 employees) aren’t required to provide COBRA.

3) Pensions: If a spouse is eligible to collect a  pension or is already retired and collecting a pension, the other spouse is entitled to a share of the pension, typically 50%, that has been earned during the marriage.  The  pension is divided by an instrument called a Qualified Domestic Relations Order that requires the pension plan to give a certain share of the pension to the ex-spouse.  To be fair to all parties involved, it is important to  make sure that the non-monied spouse has a stream of income.

4) Spousal support (Maintenance): depending on the recipient spouse’s ability to work and to be self-supporting, courts may award maintenance up until  age 67 when  they are  able to collect full Social Security benefits.

If you are in a long-term marriage and thinking about divorce it would be wise to consult with a professional trained and knowledgeable in these matters. At the New York Divorce Mediation Group, where we serve couples throughout Nassau, Suffolk, Queens, and Long Island, we are experienced in helping couples  in long term marriages work through the challenges of a “gray divorce”.  We can help you too.

(Read more at https://www.kiplinger.com/article/retirement/T065-C032-S014-the-true-cost-of-gray-divorce.html#poTQIcuHkWdGQlpV.99

Talk about divorce and many people have predetermined ideas of what the process is and what to expect. You know there will be lawyers involved for each side, court appearances, preparing legal papers, the costs of two attorneys and going to court, and a lot of time and money spent on the process. Divorce court by its nature is confrontational.

Talk about divorce mediation and the expectations may not be as clear. We are frequently asked about what to expect during the mediation process as you and your spouse come to terms with dissolving your marriage. Today we will help those considering divorce mediation better understand what happens in divorce mediation and what to expect.

First, divorce mediation is a non-adversarial process. You and your spouse will discuss and negotiate how to fairly divide your marital assets and debts, financial and parenting issues regarding the children, if any, and the amount and duration of spousal support if appropriate in your circumstances.

This is accomplished with the guidance of a neutral mediator. The divorce mediator may or may not be a lawyer (we at New York Divorce Mediation Group are in fact licensed NYS attorneys) keeping your discussions on point, encouraging the spouses to express their feelings and interests openly, and working through to a mutually agreeable compromise that is fair and equitable to all parties involved, including children of the marriage. For more information, read our post on How Divorce Mediation Works to learn about the mediation process in 5 stages.

At New York  Divorce Mediation Group, we encourage our clients to state their needs, express their concerns and to be honest even when addressing those difficult questions.  Mediation sessions are confidential and are conducted in a safe environment. If you are considering divorce why not speak with one of our Long Island divorce mediators today and explore the benefits of divorce mediation.

As life expectancy increases and societal stigma around divorce fades, many older married couples are reconsidering their relationships. This trend, often referred to as “gray divorce,” is particularly common among people over the age of 50. Whether it’s infidelity, financial troubles, or simply a desire for independence, more couples are opting to separate later in life.

In fact, divorce rates for people over 50 have doubled between 1990 and 2009, according to Susan Brown, co-director of the National Center for Family & Marriage Research. But what exactly is gray divorce, and why are so many older couples choosing it?

What is Gray Divorce?

Gray divorce refers to the dissolution of marriage among couples aged 50 and older. As empty nest syndrome becomes more prevalent, many couples, once busy with children, are finding it difficult to ignore the underlying issues that have always been present in their relationships. This has led to a rise in divorce after 50.

Empty Nest Divorce is a specific subset of gray divorce where couples, after raising children, find themselves facing marital issues they had previously put off. The end of their children’s residency at home leaves the couple with more time to reflect on their relationship.

Why Do Couples Over 50 Get Divorced?

Several factors drive couples over 50 to divorce. Some of the most common include:

• Infidelity: Many older couples, particularly those who have been together for decades, find that emotional or physical infidelity has damaged their trust and happiness.
• Financial Issues: Financial stress or differing attitudes toward money can often be a major factor in the breakdown of a relationship.
• Poor Earlier Marriage Decisions: As individuals grow older, they may realize that they made decisions early in life that no longer align with their current values or desires.
• Desire for Independence: After decades of marriage, some individuals seek to rediscover themselves, pursue personal interests, or gain independence.

Challenges in Divorcing Later in Life

While divorce is always difficult, divorcing later in life presents unique challenges that younger couples might not face. Some of the most common concerns for older couples considering divorce include:

1. Loneliness: The initial emotional impact of having no one else at home can be a huge adjustment.
2. Socializing Again: Older individuals might struggle with how to re-enter the social scene or meet new people, especially when most of their friends are married.
3. Financial Concerns: Divorce can affect the financial stability of both partners, particularly if retirement funds or social security benefits are involved.
4. Dividing Assets: The emotional task of dividing assets—especially when these assets are tied to family memories—can be particularly painful.

Divorce and Retirement Accounts: What You Need to Know

One of the major aspects of gray divorce is the division of retirement accounts, which can significantly impact both parties’ financial future. The rules for dividing these accounts are complex, and it is crucial for couples to understand how their retirement savings will be split. Whether it’s a pension, 401(k), or other savings plans, a divorce mediator can help couples navigate these difficult discussions.

Mediation: A Peaceful Path to Divorce

At New York Divorce Mediation Group, we specialize in divorce mediation for older couples, helping you navigate this complex and emotional process. Mediation is often more cost-effective and less stressful than going through a litigated divorce. It provides couples with more control over their decisions, particularly when it comes to sensitive issues like child support, retirement savings, and asset division.

Why Divorce Mediation for Gray Divorce?

Divorce mediation helps couples maintain a cooperative approach to issues that matter most to their future. Whether dealing with financial concerns, retirement account division, or making decisions that affect your well-being in the years ahead, mediation provides a constructive and peaceful alternative to the adversarial nature of court battles.

Here’s why divorce mediation works well for gray divorce:

• Less Stress: Mediation is typically less stressful than traditional divorce litigation, which can be emotionally draining, especially when dealing with the complex emotional landscape of a long-term relationship.
• Lower Costs: Traditional divorce litigation can be expensive, particularly when dividing assets like retirement funds or properties. Mediation offers a more affordable solution.
• More Control: Mediation allows both parties to remain in control of the decisions that affect their lives, ensuring fair and mutually agreeable outcomes.
• Better Communication: Mediators trained in co-parenting mediation or mediation for co-parenting help improve communication, fostering a collaborative atmosphere even after the divorce.

Conclusion: Get the Support You Need for Gray Divorce in Long Island

Divorcing later in life, particularly during a gray divorce, can be a daunting experience. However, with the right support, it is possible to navigate this transition with dignity, respect, and fairness. The New York Divorce Mediation Group offers specialized services to guide you through the divorce mediation process. Serving Long Island and surrounding areas, our expert mediators can help you minimize the emotional and financial burdens of divorce, ensuring that your best interests and your future are prioritized.

Ready to take the first step toward a peaceful resolution? Contact us for a free, confidential consultation and learn how mediation can help you move forward.